Just Christmas Gluttony

Does no one else have trouble breathing after large meals? Is it just me? I would’ve gone to see the doctor a lot sooner, but I always thought that was normal. Like…you’ve got a lot of food inside of you, and it presses against your lungs, so obviously…you’re going to have trouble breathing. Had a big of an internet trawl, and turns out that’s not a thing. I might have a unique medical problem, hooray for me!

But there’s another big problem, and that’s that it’s Christmas, and that is a time for very large meals. I only have one option, and that’s to eat less.

HA. A little Christmas humour. No, I’m buying a portable oxygen chamber. Melbourne seems to be at the forefront of this small medical miracle.  In short, I need it really fast. I have three Christmas parties to attend in between now and the big day, and then the big day itself, so I’m going to need to do something or risk not being able to breath. And yes, I’m ALSO booking myself in to see a doctor as soon as possible, but these things take time, and I don;t know if they’ll have time to see me. In the meantime, I need something to help me take those big old gulps of oxygen in between large meals. Getting a portable oxygen chamber is the only way I can experience the magic of this festive season. I simply couldn’t stand being left out for a whole year, if there’s a purpose-built invention that’ll give me the breathing powers I need.

Okay, OKAY. I hear what you’re saying. I will…consult with the experts in oxygen therapy, whoever ends up selling me the portable chamber, and I will ask for their guidance. Is this the right product for me? Am I abusing the concept of oxygen chambers for delicious, nutritious gain? Are there other options? I hear lap band surgery is popular nowadays.