In the dazzling Grand Solar Ballroom, a room where even the chandeliers were now powered by photovoltaic cells, Melbourne’s elite gathered for an event that would go down in history: The Solar Bachelor Auction.
Against the backdrop of a massive LED screen displaying charts, graphs, and fluctuating solar efficiency readings, stood the lineup of Melbourne’s most eligible bachelors. Yet, in this room, one’s eligibility was not determined by the usual metrics like looks, charm or even wealth. No, the sole criterion was one’s solar output.
“Solar arrays are the new six-packs!” joked the hostess for the evening, Rosalind Watts. As she began introducing the first bachelor, the screen behind her lit up with solar metrics. “Ladies and gentlemen, meet Bachelor Number One, boasting an impressive 89% efficiency rate and proudly able to answer the question: what are small-scale technology certificates?”
As each bachelor was presented, they’d swagger up, flexing their solar stats. Some, in a bid to further woo the attendees, showcased novel talents. One played a tune on a solar-powered keyboard, while another showcased a choreographed dance, his shoes lighting up at every step thanks to embedded mini solar panels.
Yet, as the night wore on, it became evident that the real game was in the negotiations. Over by the open bar, where organic cocktails with names like “Solar Flare” and “Photon Passion” were being served, one could overhear conversations that resembled business deals more than romantic rendezvous.
“So, if I choose you,” began a potential suitor, twirling her glowing solar-powered necklace, “could you guarantee me a steady 450 kWh monthly, during Melbourne’s cloudier months?”
“Why, of course,” replied one cocky bachelor, leaning in. “And should you ever need to upgrade your solar set-up at home, remember the benefits of a solar lease agreement. My company offers the most competitive rates.”
In the corner, another bachelor bragged about his solar-powered yacht, promising moonlit cruises where the boat’s deck would gleam with energy harvested that day.
As the final gavel struck, sealing the last ‘solar date’, the Grand Solar Ballroom buzzed with a mix of excitement and strategy. Kilowatt promises had been made, and energy-efficient futures looked bright. After all, in this world where solar was king, love was now a game of watts and panels.