Unappreciated Plumbing

Drains are an unacknowledged hero in our society. They exist beneath the surface as silent servants, only seeming to exist when something goes wrong. But blocked drains are rare, and usually the fault of the owner. Here are just a few reasons why the humble drain makes our lives so much easier- and why we should stop abusing them.

  1. They carry away the bad stuff. Got a piece of food that you’re not too keen on any more? Feed it to the drain. It’ll carry your troubles away, no questions asked. Mushy peas? Meatloaf? Chicken legs? Put it down the drain and say wave goodbye.

Except this is a terrible idea. Drains are made for carrying water and liquids in general, not solids. You’ll have a disaster on your hands if you try anything else.

  1. They can’t be seen. If we could see drains, it’s a fair bet that they’d be pretty unattractive. But they hide away in the recesses of the ground and the walls, performing their duty with the finesse of a servant: never to be seen, but with maximum efficiency.

Of course, when the waste bubbles up and floods your home, this is less subtle. But that’s why we have sewer repair, Melbourne!

Actually, the truth of the matter is that drains are better when they’re accessible. They do need clearing out, and it’s much easier when you don’t have to shift a metric tonne of dirt to get to them.

  1. All drains lead to the ocean. Surely, that adorable film with the blue fish voiced by Ellen Degeneres couldn’t be anything but scientifically accurate. Need something to reach the ocean with minimum travel time? Just shove it down the drain. I’m pretty sure things that find themselves on a one-way trip to the sea don’t go through grinding turbines or anything.

Nope, drains are completely safe places for living creatures. Surely.

Yeah, but no. Turbines are very much part of sewer functionality, and any fish travelling down below will undoubtedly be minced into oblivion. Fish should be disposed off in a far more respectful manner.