Carrie’s Boat Guy

Carrie just needs to NOT. Like, she just needs to not even, because at this moment like I can’t even, and if I can’t even, then Carrie needs to…like, I don’t even know.

Everyone knows that Carrie’s parents are super not rich, like, not poor, but not rich. They drive her to school in a Ford Focus, which is FINE, but it’s not like ‘wow, great car, Carrie’s parents’, and now she wants us to believe that not only did she go on a cruise, she also met a Canadian guy and they’re ‘long-distance dating’, ugh, whatever. Apparently this Canadian guy’s dad knows where to get the best anchor winch repair Melbourne boat owners can rely on. The boating industry is now basically hers and she can go on cruises whenever she likes, and no one BELIEVES you, Carrie. That’s your problem: not to be super rude, but you do NOT have the type of personality where a hot Canadian guy would random want to date you after only knowing you for one night, least of all a hot Canadian guy whose dad is the head guy over all outboard motor repairs or some nonsense. Carrie laughs like a hyena. Not being a jerk, it’s just true. She obsessively chews her nails and she ALWAYS starts talking about cats when she’s nervous, which is all the time when around new people. And she actually wants us to believe that her parents paid for her to go on a cruise, where she met a Canadian guy (called ‘Cade Grayson’) who fell in love with her and was all like “Carrie, I’m the heir to a boating empire, and you need to be my empress because I’m in love with you or whatever.”

No, Carrie. No one is buying it, not for a minute. Except Janine, and seriously, we all know Janine does NOT count.